Coming Soon? The Trump Praetorian Guard
President Donald Trump, famous for, among other things, dodging the Vietnam draft several times due to his fake bone spurs, loves a military display. We all saw how much after his visit to France in July 2017 for Bastille Day. The military display seemed to overwhelm him, though he also seemed to miss the point: it is not so much a military display as the nation honoring the civil rights of its citizens. Upon his return, Trump asked the U.S. military to investigate a gigantic military display in Washington. But, as we know, after much wasted time and money, nothing came of it.
Now, though, you have to wonder, what crazy idea will emerge from Trump’s mind after the royal razzle-dazzle at Buckingham Palace this past Monday? Trump seemed to relish reviewing the Queen’s Guard, decked out in their bright red uniforms and towering busbies. Wheels probably turned in Trump’s head, “Gee, I deserve one of these Guards, too, but bigger, much bigger, and much better.”
Fanciful? Well, the United States has a sort of uniformed presidential guard already. It’s the United States Secret Service Uniformed Division (USSS UD). This presidential “guard” operates like a typical police force and their uniforms correspond those of any American police department, the standard blue familiar to us all.
In the wayback, though, President Teddy Roosevelt, he of Rough Riders fame, mused over the idea of a special uniform for this protective service, but got exactly nowhere. Then came President Richard Nixon. Nixon went so far as to design new uniforms for the Secret Service Uniformed Division. Naturally, the press and the people derided the whole idea of Nixon’s Palace Guard and the banana republic design he submitted to the people.
As we know, few people have an ego as massive, and as fragile, as Trump’s. Few, too, can rival him in gaudiness, just witness the digs he calls home in Trump Tower. Yes, that is what he calls elegant living. So, it’s not a stretch to imagine Trump in-between tweets on Air Force One penciling out a redesign of the Secret Service uniforms, and it certainly will include lots of gold, and maybe stylish jackboots, as well. While he’s at it, why not change the livery of Air Force One. Because, you know, a woman managed the design, Jackie Kennedy, and, really, it’s weak. Aquamarine blue, please. Less you think this a joke, Axios reported in July 2018 that Trump doesn’t like the look; he wants something more American. One can only imagine. Perhaps MAGA on the nose cone and Trump’s visage on the tail?
So, don’t be at all surprised to wake up soon to a Trump tweet calling for a new Praetorian Guard redesign for the United States Secret Service Uniformed Division. And while at it, why not a very strong livery for Air Force One? Yeah, why not, America?
(Please, don’t show this to Trump. We wouldn’t want to give him an idea he by some miracle doesn’t already have.) w/c
Writer / Critic 